By Jared
“Run man, run!” was all I could say after the snowball erupted on the picture glass window. It was time to get the hell-cat out of there and even though we were in danger of getting caught, the satisfaction of finally destructing the peace and quiet of Carter O’Malley put me on cloud nine. It was snowball time.
We had tried to hit that same window for three years. We went back once a week whenever there was enough snow on the ground to gather even one sphere of destruction. The window was wondrous, like peeking into a keyhole of a locked door. It called us. So we would crawl by in our vehicle each night, waiting for the perfect moment to thrust our wet, white balls onto the glass. But every single f-ing time, this guy, Carter, he would be sitting there in his Beyonce brown chair watching Jeopardy and painting his model soldiers.
What we would do was, we would stop the auto a block down and run up toward the house. That way there were no headlights. See, we tried the drive-by approach, but to no avail. But whenever one of us had the window in sight, and our arms cocked back like Tony Romo, Carter, that sonavabitch, would look directly at us. Then we would get spooked, miss the window, and then run off hoping he would chase us into the cold with nothing on but his Bottle Rocket housecoat.
We must have hit the bastard’s house fifty times.
But never the window. Not until Dustin Muirhead came along.
As Carter sat in his chair, unexpectant of the annihilation that was about to take place upon his window, Dustin and I rode in the back of R.C. Flemming’s truck. We tore through the quiet night with determination in our minds and rum in our bellies. When the house came into sight, Flemming slowed to a hault and Dustin jumped out of the bed of the Ford. Sprinting up to the house with no qualms, he fired a shot from about 12 feet away. Carter looked directly at the snowball as it crashed into his precious peering palace. The asshole didn’t believe for a second that it could happen to him.
But it did. And my satisfaction was handed to me from the gloves of Dustin J. Muirhead, III.
Nov 01, 2006 • Nostalgia
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By Jared
In one of the most anticipated events of the year, Robert ‘Berto’ Espinoza failed to deliver on what was expected to be a marathon match of two unbeaten boxers (both 0-0). His challenger was indeed, the one and only Matt Winnell, a Watervliet grad of 2005, and an exact copy of one John Howley, at least from behind.
Although sources with knowledge of the actual event have been hard to track down, a confirmed report, by simply watching the video, reveals that ‘Berto’ was brutally punished by three direct haymakers to the jaw. The event unfolded in the basement of the winner, Winnell, who looked right at home in the hillbilly ring.
After Robert took the third and final shot to his jaw, just nine seconds into the match, officials promptly called the match. This was followed by a brief convulsing by Espinoza while lying helplessly on his back. Winnell didn’t seem surprised by the effort, subsequently grabbing a beer and heading for a toothless chick in ripped jeans and a halter-top. Some reports have identified the girl as Mr. Espinoza’s own sister.
When confronted with this notion, Mr. Espinoza responded only by saying, “I’m training hard and am expecting a rematch within the next month.” Promoters of the fight hope to have at least a three round bout in able to attract underage teens to the ‘Basement’ for five dollar dixie cups to tap the pony keg of Natural Ice.
“It’s not that we want to see Matty [Matt Winnell] lose, we just want to sell beer to save up for the annual wrestling match in Bangor,” said owner and proprietor of the rematch, Mrs. Winnell.
And if that’s not enough, Hartford alumni and heavyweight hillbilly ring champion Dallas Watson phoned in to defend his former alma mater’s name. “I will tell you what, send that kid my way, I’ll teach him how to scrap in a real ring,” Watson said. Adding, “I got somethin’ for his ass right here,” while he crossed his arms into an X and shot them down around his genitalia.
The lesson to be learned here is: if you ever feel like boxing in a kid’s basement with drunken underage kids crowding around, make sure no cameras are near because in this super fast age of the internet even a cocky commentator 1400 miles away can throw in a jab below the belt.
All names used in this story are made up and intended in no way to degrade those involved.
the video link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahR59wcCjag
May 16, 2006 • Humor, Nostalgia
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By Larry
So I once again had the chance to “spot” Dallas Watson, although I think, technically, he spotted me first. Maybe it was a mutual spot. Anyways it was as always, an incredible honor. This time we had an oppurtunity to chat, unlike the last time when plowed through the City Hall parking lot, not breaking a single second to avoid hitting the peons at the volunteer car wash.
Dallas’ new shape resembles a barrel to me, more the kind full of salted meat than the powder keg he once was. He has lost the glasses, but gained the kind of pride in his step only a man who breaks his back everyday at a welding factory, making $11 an hour, can have. He was also most proud when talking about his “toy” a four-stroke Kawasaki four-wheeler… or dirtbike… I wasn’t really paying attention at that point. His alternator broke on his truck. One might say poetic justice for his lack of charity. He had suffered a layoff, found another job, then quit that one to resume work at the original job he was layed off at. He is married, she’s a quiet girl, with not much to say, not much at all. He declined to answer when asked about his involement/non-involvement with the Katrina goings-on.
His parting shot, where I saw a glimpse of the ol’ powder keg, was when I was leaving for lunch I heard a “LARRY!!” from behind, I turned and there he was, on his way out also, with a huge smile on his face.
Dec 08, 2005 • Nostalgia
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By Jared
I just decided to make a new thread since I figured everyone would comment on this. Hope this organizes it a little better for everyone so other people know what we’re talking about.
I have a few games I thought were great.
First I’ll start with while I was in school. Scott mentioned that Watervliet game in 1999. It was full of energy and renewed our rivalry with our neighbors. I remember Jeff Holland catching that 32 and go pass from Pruiett for like 80 yards to retake the lead I think. Seeing Jeff sprinting with his tiny arms under those shoulder pads was classic, I was jumping up and down.
The Coloma game that year was pretty good too. That was when Tank or Dozer or whatever his name was, he was a junior. It was at Coloma and we beat them by like 2 or 3. But Decatur that year was awesome, even though we lost 6-0. It was all defensive, hard fought, in the trenches type of game.
I won’t mention the next season. Sorry. “For the fallen heroes.”
2001 and 2002: Pretty much blew out every team in conference. Of course there was the double overtime thriller with Decatur in 01 and the loss to Coloma the next week. The 02 debacle against Decatur, that was a terrible game. We should’ve destroyed them but we went in with an embarrassing game plan for that game.
I tried to think of more games that I remembered being close but I couldn’t really do it, not regular season anyway. With the exception of Decatur, we never were really challenged, until recently. I can remember in like 94 us losing to Watervliet then beating LMC in a great game. Maybe 98 or 97 we had a good game against Galien actually. A really good playoff game was in 95 against Union City when we lost 7-6 because Ricky Ricardo missed that extra point and the ref said Winans didn’t break the plain on that QB sneak. That was a cold day.
Oct 19, 2005 • Nostalgia, Sports
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By Jared
The world would be a lot more real. Hope wouldn’t be so questioned, and people like me wouldn’t have anything to say.
I know we question a lot of things but take away ‘what if’ and what do you have left? This one’s for Eric Lerdal.
Oct 13, 2005 • Nostalgia
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By Larry
On Saturday September 17th, about 1:30, the illustrious, the industrious, Mr. Dallas Billy Jo Bob Watson-Weatherfield Esq., was spotted in a White pick-‘em-up truck, drumming furiously along to some slack-jawed heavy metal rawk recording (probably), while tearing ass through the City Hall parking lot. Using the parking lot as a shortcut, D-dubs entered from the entrance on the CR 687 side and exited heading West, on North Maple Street. Apparently, he was trying to avoid the traffic light. The sonofabitch couldn’t even stop to donate some money (and get that beautiful ivory steed of his washed) to the Hurricane Katrina Relief Car Wash Fund thing. And don’t pretend like you didn’t see us there Mr. Watson. Not with the nubile, young bodies of… well I’m not gonna name names, parading around, scantily-clad, holding up roadside signs advertising the car wash. Also Ray Bloomer made an appearance, which I happen to think is quite notable.
Sep 19, 2005 • Nostalgia
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By Jared
Think you guys are smart, take this quiz online and share your score. You’re supposed to finish it in a half hour but you don’t have to. I had 25 correct and it said that I had a strong chance of passing the mensa test. I think Josh Fairbanks could probably guess and get a higher score though. Don’t take it too seriously, if you screw it up that is. It’s just a test.
Take the test!
Sep 16, 2005 • Nostalgia
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By Larry
I wanted to start a thread for 4th hour Basic Design table. This is for Josh, Brad, Brandon, Jeff Carlson, myself and our dear fallen Fran. Brad, what was a highlight of that class you remember best?
*This is an interpolation of the “Man Chant” written by Brandon Beshires and Larry Larsen. You can write your own Man Chant, simply bang on any solid object with your fist for rhythm and start reciting the manliest things that pop into your head.
Sep 12, 2005 • Nostalgia
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