Super There Will Be Blood
Super There Will Be Blood from Tomfoolery Pictures on Vimeo.
• • • MS • • •
The Shining RECUT
Just in time for Halloween. Also sparked the heavy Peter Gabriel phase I’m going through.
• • • MS • • •
I’m a Mad Man
I’ve been obsessed with AMC’s Man Men lately. Going as far as downloading the entire series and marathon-ing episodes exclusively in my downtime. If you’ve watched enough of the show, these clips, from last season’s Jon Hamm hosted SNL episode, are only made funnier; mostly by expounding the traits detailed by each character (especially Draper himself) and the dynamics of relationships between them. You can really tell that the writers of the sketch were fans of the show and of the characters, their portraits are whimsical yet flattering and absolutely accurate. The drink suggestions in the second video being the most telling. Enjoy!
• • • MS • • •
Can’t Tell Him Nothing
So I spent last Tuesday looking at funny shit on the internet, whoops! I mean Internet. Other than porn that is what the lousy Internet is for, right? I compiled a list of my top three favorite things that day and these videos are it. I’m not gonna lie, these videos were all I looked at that day. They were that funny, really they were. I laughed so much at the Between Two Ferns segments from funnyordie.com, that it was like a rigorous ab workout – later they fucking hurt. Of course I had to watch each video 3x and there are 8 of them and each is approximately 5 minutes long. Do the math: 8*5*3=120. 120 minutes! That’s two hours! Fucking two ab workout with no equipment to buy!*
*except a monitor, a tower, a mouse, keyboard and speakers
This video reminded me of a disagreement I got into once with this girl Brielle Morey, who I used to go around with, over whether or not this type of humor was random. Now “random” is a word that is over-used, especially by today’s youth. Everything appears to be random because their brains can not fathom the possibility that things most things are not random at all, but in fact intended. Me and old Brielle were referring specifically the comedy of Will Farrell, the godfather of sorts of comedians/actors such as Danny McBride and Zach Galifianakis. The film in question was Anchor Man, Farrell’s best, funniest and most quotable outing to date. I was like, “Have you heard of editing?” I actually didn’t say that at the time, but years later I thought of it as a good retort. The idea that the scenes and phrases and imagery and performances were purposefully layered together for maximum laughter achievement was a totally foreign concept. Maybe because humor/comedy is looked upon as a lesser art form. When a comedian does something funny that no one else would think of, (the actual talent that makes them funny in the first place) it’s not creating art, it’s not improvisation, it’s random. Imagine anyone calling Picasso random: “those shapes are so random” , or Dali, “melted clocks, how random… I mean Brownian Movement, reproduction? That I can accept. But clocks melting? So fucking random.” I guess what bugs me is when the word random is applied to art and comedy, it makes whatever is being described seem almost meaningless – a fact I cannot accept. These same people think its random to run into people at stores and shows and on the street and stuff, like it’s impossible that other people exist, much less have lives for Chrissake’s! These kind of people kill me.
The titular video here made me realize how much I miss Scott, (a) because after the Erica Howard incident (chronicled here) and (b) because it was a Tuesday when I did this and a Tuesday when he did that and that Tuesday used to be our day, before he left. I miss the talks, the laughs, the drinks, late nights at Bert’s apartment or the Nykamp ranch. That reminds me, I miss Fudge most of all. Even old Pete and Sharon, for instance. I think I even miss that goddamn Bert. It’s funny. Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.
• • • MS • • •
Are We All Under a Spell?
Is Lady Gaga, in fact, an agent, or rather, a puppet of the international Illuminati conspiracy? My friends! Fear no more for your questions have been answered with the evidence of a masterfully crafted real-to-life conspiracy.
Her vacuous, robotic and slightly degenerate persona embodies all the “symptoms” of a mind control victim. – Lady Gaga, The Illuminati Puppet
We are led to believe that we are merely being entertained by this performer, but we are, in fact, being programmed and brainwashed into an existential nightmare–our brain as a microcosm of the drama unfolding on the international stage–forced to entertain the very real notion of a passive complacence to the machinations of the elite.
According to the aforementioned article, the evidence of Gaga’s agentyness is beyond reproach. While not to blame for her “condition” if you will, she has been brainwashed into a life of synergistic symbol dissemination.
We recently discussed her video for Telephone, but would you surprised to find a certain hidden agenda behind every twist and turn? I think not. She even admits it when she stated unequivocally that:
[there] was this really amazing quality in ‘Paparazzi,’ where it kind of had this pure pop music quality but at the same time it was a commentary on fame culture. In its own way, even at certain points working with Jonas Åkerlund, the director of both videos really achieved this high art quality in the way that it was shot. I wanted to do the same thing with this video—take a decidedly pop song, which on the surface has a quite shallow meaning, and turn it into something deeper. – Lady Gaga on “Telephone” and Its Hidden Meaning
Specifically, according this guy, the hidden, deeper than deep meaning they were after relates more to mind control as practiced by the Illuminati, CIA, FSA, FAA, FDA, and a whole host of abbreviated agencies.
In Paparazzi, Gaga plays the role of a mind-controlled slave who was “programmed” to poison and kill her boyfriend. Telephone is a continuation of this story, where Gaga goes to jail for her crime.
In the video, the “telephone” is a metaphor for Gaga’s brain and the fact that she is not answering that phone (her brain) means that she has “dissociated” from reality. Dissociation is the ultimate goal of Monarch mind control. It is induced by traumatizing events, such as electroshock therapy or torture, to force the victim to dissociate from reality. This enables the handlers to create in the victim an alter personality that can be programmed to perform various tasks, such as carrying out an assassination.
What we see is an obvious effort to use her videos in a way that shocks us into or own dissociative state in order to brainwash and program the unknowing masses; complacence to the machine and service to the Illuminati. Calling Dan Brown!
As a renowned symbologist might say, “all of the signs point to the Illuminati, but they’re not supposed to exist!” I say, Robert, my friend, they do exist. Robert might retort, “these symbols are supposed to have been lost centuries ago.” Suddenly, in the middle of our hypothetical exchange, Lady Gaga emerges from the darkest corner and violently attacks Robert Langdon® with an old ancient knife carved with the crest of a family known to be associated deeply with the Masons.
He escapes, unscathed, because the incompetence of evil knows no bounds.
But, just because it may be true, doesn’t mean it is. And vice versa.
• • • MS • • •
Boom Box
• • • MS • • •
Wes Anderson’s Latest Film
The rumors are true folks (what…there are fucking rumors about this?), Wes Anderson is set to direct the rebooted, slightly flailing, Spiderman franchise and Minor Speculum has the exclusive rights (from YouTube) to show you the newly released trailer. Feast yer eyes on this:
The movie looks so exciting, I can’t wait to see it. It’s certainly his signature style, though he seems to be departing from Futura in the titles, which is a bit of a disappointment from a typographic perspective. Of course, this trailer is from the cutting room floor, and we’re likely not getting the best of the best in terms of what we’re glimpsing here.
This is set for an early 2011 release, but officially I think they’ll get it in by the end of this year. Look out America!
Rated R for x-treme fun and minimal plausibility.
Quality: 
Action: 
Direction: 
Fallacy via these guys.
• • • MS • • •
Conan’s Parting Words
“All I ask is one thing, and I’m asking this particularly of young people that watch: Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record, it’s my least favorite quality — it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.” – Conan O’Brien
Truly words to live by. And its hard not to be cynical in this day and age. I’m not just talking just about the cynicism regarding the state of affairs in our country. It seems we as a generation are very cynical – completely across the board. In fact, not just cynicism, but irony and sarcasm – other forms of negativity (be it for comedic effect or not) – seem to permeate, and in some cases saturate, not only television and movies but our day to day conversations. We seem to have been born with this attitude built in. Conan’s Generation, or that of our parents, don’t seem to have it. Now, I know that I’m public enemy number one with a fucking bullet when it comes to people that bear that sort of attitude, and that’s why when he said it I felt as though he was speaking directly to me. Anyway, I know I’m not alone in feeling that way. Thoughts?
Read more about it here.
• • • MS • • •
More Shit I Didn’t Write But Liked
Author is Tess Lynch, originally found here:
http://tesslynch.tumblr.com/post/269439141/fake-dinner-party-conversations
Bill Murray: I just thought of something.
Mo’Nique: Oh honey HOLD UP.
Tess: Me?
Mo’Nique: You ain’t skinny, girl, but I don’t trust you anyway.
Tess: Why?
Mo’Nique: You talk a lot of game, bitch, but I know for a fact you didn’t get yourself out to see Precious.
Tess: Why does this keep coming up? I only saw one movie in the theaters in 2009. I don’t feel particularly good about that, especially when I keep having performers over for dinner, but what can I do? My income was like zero until a few months ago and —
Bill Murray: So nobody wants to hear my thoughts. Somehow this is unsurprising.
Mo’Nique: Honey, you seem so depressed. It’s that monotone. And the eyelids. [to Tess] And isn’t he boney? [to Bill Murray] Sugar, you boney. Eat something.
Bill Murray: I’m not boney and I’m not depressed. I keep my enthusiasm on a tight leash so that one day I can surprise the world with its sheer force.
Tess: Oh.
Mo’Nique: Mmm.
Bill Murray: Anyway, now that I have your attention: I was staring into the fireplace against that wall and I realized something. Where do you put the fire? You put it in the firePLACE. Fire. Place. Fireplace.
Tess: More Suntory?
Bill Murray & Mo’Nique: Yes please!
[doorbell rings. Tess opens it to reveal Lindsay Lohan]
Tess: Ooh, Lindsay. Not a good time. Mo’Nique is here.
Lindsay Lohan: Please, please, let me in! I just had the worst fight with Samantha and my house is filled with needles and garbage and it smells like fake tanner and I just drank three Monster energy drinks and chased them with Lithium! [beat] PLEASE!
Mo’Nique: I smell a skinny bitch! Tess, you said no skinny bitches!
Tess: Oh jeez, Lindsay, like I said…she really has this thing about skinny bitches — skinny people — look, can’t you just call Jared Leto or something?
Lindsay Lohan: He screens me!
Bill Murray: [creeps in from the dining room] Who have we here.
Lindsay Lohan: Oh my God, it’s James Belushi!
Bill Murray: That’s right.
Mo’Nique: [to Tess] That girl looks bad. What’s she on, Monsters and Lithium?
Tess: Something like that.
Lindsay Lohan: My agent has been calling you! I’m dying to get on “According to Jim!”
Bill Murray: Yes, I think I can work something out.
Mo’Nique: Sugarpie, “According to Jim” is off the —
Bill Murray: SHHHH! You go back to the table. Go back. Go back.
[Mo’Nique harrumphs away]
Lindsay Lohan: Hey, James, do you mind driving me home?
Bill Murray: Not a problem. You live —?
Lindsay Lohan: Oh, just here or there!
Tess: You live “here or there”?
Lindsay Lohan: Just, you know, wherever I can hide out and drink gin out of a Fresca bottle!
Tess: Oh.
Bill Murray: How about I spring for one of those guest houses at the Chateau Marmont. I won’t stay there, I’ll just take you out for karaoke and a bittersweet time and then drop you off with an ambiguously platonic kiss on the top of your head.
Lindsay Lohan: That reminds me of a scene from —
Bill Murray: No. No it doesn’t. Because I just made that up, so whatever you were going to say, that’s impossible. Better hit the road. [to Tess] Sayonara.
Tess: Sayonara. [heads back to table, where Mo’Nique is picking at her pie] I guess it’s just you and me, Mo’Nique.
Mo’Nique: Tess, God damn it, he can handle his shit, can’t he?
Tess: Pretty much.
Mo’Nique: And that shit about the fireplace? That’s some smart shit.
Tess: I both agree and disagree with that. More Suntory?
Mo’Nique: Always.
Fake Dinner Party Conversations
Bill Murray: I just thought of something.
Mo’Nique: Oh honey HOLD UP.
Tess: Me?
Mo’Nique: You ain’t skinny, girl, but I don’t trust you anyway.
Tess: Why?
Mo’Nique: You talk a lot of game, bitch, but I know for a fact you didn’t get yourself out to see Precious.
Tess: Why does this keep coming up? I only saw one movie in the theaters in 2009. I don’t feel particularly good about that, especially when I keep having performers over for dinner, but what can I do? My income was like zero until a few months ago and —
Bill Murray: So nobody wants to hear my thoughts. Somehow this is unsurprising.
Mo’Nique: Honey, you seem so depressed. It’s that monotone. And the eyelids. [to Tess] And isn’t he boney? [to Bill Murray] Sugar, you boney. Eat something.
Bill Murray: I’m not boney and I’m not depressed. I keep my enthusiasm on a tight leash so that one day I can surprise the world with its sheer force.
Tess: Oh.
Mo’Nique: Mmm.
Bill Murray: Anyway, now that I have your attention: I was staring into the fireplace against that wall and I realized something. Where do you put the fire? You put it in the firePLACE. Fire. Place. Fireplace.
Tess: More Suntory?
Bill Murray & Mo’Nique: Yes please!
[doorbell rings. Tess opens it to reveal Lindsay Lohan]
Tess: Ooh, Lindsay. Not a good time. Mo’Nique is here.
Lindsay Lohan: Please, please, let me in! I just had the worst fight with Samantha and my house is filled with needles and garbage and it smells like fake tanner and I just drank three Monster energy drinks and chased them with Lithium! [beat] PLEASE!
Mo’Nique: I smell a skinny bitch! Tess, you said no skinny bitches!
Tess: Oh jeez, Lindsay, like I said…she really has this thing about skinny bitches — skinny people — look, can’t you just call Jared Leto or something?
Lindsay Lohan: He screens me!
Bill Murray: [creeps in from the dining room] Who have we here.
Lindsay Lohan: Oh my God, it’s James Belushi!
Bill Murray: That’s right.
Mo’Nique: [to Tess] That girl looks bad. What’s she on, Monsters and Lithium?
Tess: Something like that.
Lindsay Lohan: My agent has been calling you! I’m dying to get on “According to Jim!”
Bill Murray: Yes, I think I can work something out.
Mo’Nique: Sugarpie, “According to Jim” is off the —
Bill Murray: SHHHH! You go back to the table. Go back. Go back.
[Mo’Nique harrumphs away]
Lindsay Lohan: Hey, James, do you mind driving me home?
Bill Murray: Not a problem. You live —?
Lindsay Lohan: Oh, just here or there!
Tess: You live “here or there”?
Lindsay Lohan: Just, you know, wherever I can hide out and drink gin out of a Fresca bottle!
Tess: Oh.
Bill Murray: How about I spring for one of those guest houses at the Chateau Marmont. I won’t stay there, I’ll just take you out for karaoke and a bittersweet time and then drop you off with an ambiguously platonic kiss on the top of your head.
Lindsay Lohan: That reminds me of a scene from —
Bill Murray: No. No it doesn’t. Because I just made that up, so whatever you were going to say, that’s impossible. Better hit the road. [to Tess] Sayonara.
Tess: Sayonara. [heads back to table, where Mo’Nique is picking at her pie] I guess it’s just you and me, Mo’Nique.
Mo’Nique: Tess, God damn it, he can handle his shit, can’t he?
Tess: Pretty much.
Mo’Nique: And that shit about the fireplace? That’s some smart shit.
Tess: I both agree and disagree with that. More Suntory?
Mo’Nique: Always.
• • • MS • • •
Make Benefit Sasha Baron Cohen’s Wallet
“Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan,” the most verbose title given to a movie since “Homework, or How Pornography Saved the Split Family from Boredom and Improved their Financial Situation,” became the highest grossing film ever relased to less than 1,000 theaters. The mockumentary brought in over $26 million this weekend, catering to generation z or y or whatever label is being put on 16-25 year olds these days.
Sacha Baron Cohen, possessor of the most symmetrically corect name in showbiz, produced one of the most shocking and offensive movies of all time. Among the ranks of “The Aristocrats,” Borat wasted no time establishing its potically incorrectness with an opening scene that included incest and prostitution, all from our lighthearted star’s sister. In addition, the Kazakh village has a militia of school children, armed with AK’s and gumballs.
As we are taken through a ‘hero’s journey’ from New York to Los Angeles, Borat grows on us like a sunspot. At first we are annoyed by the disfiguration, then we accept the fact that the red dot is not going away, and we embrace it as our own. Borat becomes the voice that we all want to be. An innocent, naive child, wandering through life with wide eyes, as ‘shapeshifters’ try to corrupt him.
At a rodeo in the South, Borat conversates with a bigot who proclaims that hanging homosexuals is “what we are trying to get to” in America. Later, Frat boys from South Carolina, not exactly the common voice of Americans, declare minorities as the most powerful groups of people in the states. And at a gun shop in Texas, a man does not hesitate when Borat asks him for a gun that will kill Jews, calmly recommending a glock-nine.
But when Borat crawls out of the ‘cave’ after having been left by his disgustingly obese, jewaphobic, cock powdering friend Azamat, his confidence is restored by Pentecostals and their “friend Jesus.” In a heckneyed attempt at dissing religion, Borat fakes an out of body experience that gives him new found purpose and poise in his pursuit of plastic Pamela Anderson.
Although the movie made me ‘lol’ as much as instant messaging ever does, I felt some of the scenes were arranged and contrived. Especially the ‘ordeal’ where Borat literally bags Anderson.
But with his new found power over the “vajeen,” Borat goes home to become the ‘master of both worlds.’ He becomes the leader of his village, bringing commerce and technology to the former Soviet satellite. With his cultural learnings from America, Borat shines his yellow, speedo-powered light upon the audience, begging them to see themselves as they truly are: rapists, racists, and rebels.
• • • MS • • •