By Brad
The Indians get the BIG win at Wyoming Lee last Friday on the ground. The green machine went into half time trailing 12- 7, but came out and shut down Wyoming Lee. After scoring twice, the Indians were trying to maintain their 20- 12 lead with the forth quarter winding down. With 1:30 left in the game Wyoming Lee had the ball first and goal from the five yard line. The Indians held that f’n line! But on forth down from the two they were called for an inadvertent facemask, which gave the Rebles one more chance from the one. The Indians held that f’n line! Game over! H town did a fantastic job running the ball to scratch and claw their way to a win. So the Indians are going to take on the forth seed Montague who got a big 35 – 7 win over the number one and formerly undefeated Kalamazoo Christian Comets. These kids from Montague are no joke. They are currently sporting a 6- 4 record with all four losses coming at the hands of playoff teams. The scouting report is these kids from Montague don’t want to win, they expect to win. They have the hide the ball type offense out of a lot of different formations. Their main running back is a hard runner with extremely good vision and balance. He’s no blazer, but he is fast enough to get the job done. The Wildcats have put 293 points this year and have the potential to score on the ground and through the air. The defense has the pleasure of putting out a relatively fresh squad. Very few kids play both ways for Montague and the team, in the films I have watched, is very fresh in the forth quarter. The Wildcats have all of the same holes in theirs defense that we do. They run in essence the same defense that Hartford does; although the cornerbacks play very far back off of the line of scrimmage and the defensive ends often line up inside the last man on the line of scrimmage. Plus, sorry I am an offensive minded person, the outside linebackers don’t walk away very far on the receiver side that isn’t covered by a tight end. Whew. With all of that said the defense has given up 251 points this year and are not extremely big in size. SO! Brad do we got a shot? Yes, but not a very good one. The Indians stagnant offense that focuses on the power running game hasn’t worked very well in the last few weeks. Last Friday the Indians completed one pass. We need to be able to move the ball without depending on a power running game. In my opinion the Indians need to stretch the field with the pass. They also need to spread the Wildcats defense with outside runs and an option attack that could and would work very well against them. Any hoo. The game is Saturday at 1:00 in Hartford.
Other Playoff News
Hartford’s potential regional championship opponent will be decided when the Constantine Falcons play at Union City. Last Saturday Constantine avenged a regular season loss to Schoolcraft, blowing out the Eagles 63- 20.
The Gobles Tigers were destroyed at home 30- 7 at the hands of Holton. The Tigers gained only 63 yards rushing the whole game. The acclaimed state title hopefuls in the SAC weren’t the only conference team to lose early, Lawton was beaten badly by MCC. Decatur pulled a come from behind victory to beat Centerville, the Raiders were down by 35 points at the half. The last SAC team to advance was the Martin Clippers. However Martin will travel to Climax Scotts this week, where they have been up ended the last two years in the playoffs.
Mr. Paran’s Mattawan Wildcats lost a tough one at Lakeshore last week. It is unfortunate but it thankfully sets up the biggest match up in the area. The St. Joe Bears who were winless last year up ended the number one seeded Gull Lake to take on their bitter rivals in Stevensville. Yeah I said it! The BEARS take on the LANCERS! The contest will return to Lakeshore where the Lancers came out on top 34- 14. The contest will take place in Stevensville on Friday at 7:30.
Lastly, Dave’s Ovid Elsie Marauders beat Essexville Garber 35- 0. They will travel this week to take on top seed and undefeated Saginaw Swan Valley. Keep the dream alive….Dave!?
Scott Says!
Here is your official guide to the best high school playoff games for the week of October 29. I’ve listed at least 3 good games in each division, with most of the better games occurring in the higher divisions. In parentheses at the end of each line is each teams current ranking in their respected division. If you want to see what may amount to the best football game this post-season, head to Lowell on Saturday for their match-up with Muskegon. Both teams blew-out their first round opponents. Along with Rockford and East Grand Rapids, these are the most talked about teams in the north. Lowell’s QB, Keith Nichol, is phenomenal. He was named player of the year in class A last year, and lead his team to a perfect year as a sophomore. His stats from this past week- 15-24 for 270 yards and 3 TD’s, as well as 116 yards on 16 carries with 2 TD’s. By the way, he’s the team’s best cornerback. Check out the impressive Lowell football site: http://www.lowellfootball.com/links/.
For updated dates and times of playoff football games, go to: www.mhsaa.com
DIVISION 1
Rockford (9-1) at Holt (9-1) Friday, 7 (#3 vs. #8)
South Lyon (9-1) at Canton (10-0)– Friday, 7 (#7 vs. #2)
Clarkston (9-1) at Lake Orion (10-0) (#10 vs. #1)
DIVISION 2
Muskegon (10-0) at Lowell (10-0) Saturday, 1 (#2 vs. #3)
Walled Lake Central (8-2) at Orchard Lake St. Mary’s (8-2) – Saturday, 1 (#8 vs. #5)
Detroit Henry Ford (8-2) at Birmingham Brother Rice (10-0) (#9 vs. #1)
DIVISION 3
Escanaba (7-3) at Cadillac (7-3) Saturday, 1 (no rankings, just Jim Webb)
Fruitport (10-0) at East Grand Rapids (8-1) Friday, 7 (#3 vs. #1)
St Joseph (6-4) at Stevensville Lakeshore (8-2) (Rivalry game)
Gibraltar Carlson (9-1) at Chelsea (9-1) Friday, 7 (#7 vs. #2)
DIVISION 4
Grand Rapids Catholic Central (8-2) at Zeeland West (9-1) Friday, 7 (#5 vs. #1)
Dowagiac (8-2) at Battle Creek Harper Creek (9-1) Friday, 7:30 (N/R vs. #8)
Croswell-Lexington (9-1) at Marine City (10-0) (#6 vs. #2)
Highland Park (9-1) at Detroit Crockett (8-2) (#9 vs. Honorable Mention)
DIVISION 5
Ovid-Elsie (7-2) at Saginaw Swan Valley (10-0)– Friday, 7 (For Dave, N/R vs. #4)
Detroit Country Day (8-2) at Madison Heights Madison (10-0) – Friday, 7 (#9 vs. #6)
Birch Run (9-1) at Lake Fenton (10-0) – Friday, 7 (#8 vs. #7)
Onsted (9-1) at Hillsdale (10-0) (#9 vs. #3)
DIVISION 6
Calumet (8-2) 56.889 at Iron Mountain (8-2) Friday, 7 (Both teams Honorable Mentions)
Kingsley (8-2) 66.556 at Suttons Bay (10-0) Friday, 7 (H/M vs. #7)
Constantine (8-1) at Union City (9-1) (#4 vs N/R)
DIVISION 7
Ishpeming (7-2) at Norway (8-2) – Saturday, 2 (#7 vs. #8)
Holton (7-3) at Muskegon Catholic Central (8-2) (Both beat SAC teams)
Decatur (9-1) at Cassopolis (10-0) Friday, 7:30 (#6 vs. #1)
Grass Lake (8-2) at Sand Creek (10-0) Friday, 7 (H/M vs. #3)
DIVISION 8
Martin (8-2) at Climax-Scotts (10-0) (H/M vs. #4)
Crystal Falls Forest Park (7-2) at Iron Mountain North Dickinson (10-0) Friday, 7 (H/M vs. #2)
Waterford Our Lady (8-2) at Sterling Heights Parkway Christian (10-0) (H/M vs. #5)
Oct 29, 2006 • Sports
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By Larry
copied and pasted verbatim from chuckpalahniuk.net
13 Writing Tips by Chuck Palahniuk
Twenty years ago, a friend and I walked around downtown Portland at Christmas. The big department stores: Meier and Frank… Fredrick and Nelson… Nordstroms… their big display windows each held a simple, pretty scene: a mannequin wearing clothes or a perfume bottle sitting in fake snow. But the windows at the J.J. Newberry’s store, damn, they were crammed with dolls and tinsel and spatulas and screwdriver sets and pillows, vacuum cleaners, plastic hangers, gerbils, silk flowers, candy – you get the point. Each of the hundreds of different objects was priced with a faded circle of red cardboard. And walking past, my friend, Laurie, took a long look and said, “Their window-dressing philosophy must be: ‘If the window doesn’t look quite right – put more in’.”
She said the perfect comment at the perfect moment, and I remember it two decades later because it made me laugh. Those other, pretty display windows… I’m sure they were stylist and tasteful, but I have no real memory of how they looked.
For this essay, my goal is to put more in. To put together a kind-of Christmas stocking of ideas, with the hope that something will be useful. Or like packing the gift boxes for readers, putting in candy and a squirrel and a book and some toys and a necklace, I’m hoping that enough variety will guarantee that something here will occur as completely asinine, but something else might be perfect.
Number One: Two years ago, when I wrote the first of these essays it was about my “egg timer method” of writing. You never saw that essay, but here’s the method: When you don’t want to write, set an egg timer for one hour (or half hour) and sit down to write until the timer rings. If you still hate writing, you’re free in an hour. But usually, by the time that alarm rings, you’ll be so involved in your work, enjoying it so much, you’ll keep going. Instead of an egg timer, you can put a load of clothes in the washer or dryer and use them to time your work. Alternating the thoughtful task of writing with the mindless work of laundry or dish washing will give you the breaks you need for new ideas and insights to occur. If you don’t know what comes next in the story… clean your toilet. Change the bed sheets. For Christ sakes, dust the computer. A better idea will come.
Number Two: Your audience is smarter than you imagine. Don’t be afraid to experiment with story forms and time shifts. My personal theory is that younger readers distain most books – not because those readers are dumber than past readers, but because today’s reader is smarter. Movies have made us very sophisticated about storytelling. And your audience is much harder to shock than you can ever imagine.
Number Three: Before you sit down to write a scene, mull it over in your mind and know the purpose of that scene. What earlier set-ups will this scene pay off? What will it set up for later scenes? How will this scene further your plot? As you work, drive, exercise, hold only this question in your mind. Take a few notes as you have ideas. And only when you’ve decided on the bones of the scene – then, sit and write it. Don’t go to that boring, dusty computer without something in mind. And don’t make your reader slog through a scene in which little or nothing happens.
Number Four: Surprise yourself. If you can bring the story – or let it bring you – to a place that amazes you, then you can surprise your reader. The moment you can see any well-planned surprise, chances are, so will your sophisticated reader.
Number Five: When you get stuck, go back and read your earlier scenes, looking for dropped characters or details that you can resurrect as “buried guns.” At the end of writing Fight Club, I had no idea what to do with the office building. But re-reading the first scene, I found the throw-away comment about mixing nitro with paraffin and how it was an iffy method for making plastic explosives. That silly aside (… paraffin has never worked for me…) made the perfect “buried gun” to resurrect at the end and save my storytelling ass.
Number Six: Use writing as your excuse to throw a party each week – even if you call that party a “workshop.” Any time you can spend time among other people who value and support writing, that will balance those hours you spend alone, writing. Even if someday you sell your work, no amount of money will compensate you for your time spent alone. So, take your “paycheck” up front, make writing an excuse to be around people. When you reach the end of your life – trust me, you won’t look back and savor the moments you spent alone.
Number Seven: Let yourself be with Not Knowing. This bit of advice comes through a hundred famous people, through Tom Spanbauer to me and now, you. The longer you can allow a story to take shape, the better that final shape will be. Don’t rush or force the ending of a story or book. All you have to know is the next scene, or the next few scenes. You don’t have to know every moment up to the end, in fact, if you do it’ll be boring as hell to execute.
Number Eight: If you need more freedom around the story, draft to draft, change the character names. Characters aren’t real, and they aren’t you. By arbitrarily changing their names, you get the distance you need to really torture a character. Or worse, delete a character, if that’s what the story really needs.
Number Nine: There are three types of speech – I don’t know if this is TRUE, but I heard it in a seminar and it made sense. The three types are: Descriptive, Instructive, and Expressive. Descriptive: “The sun rose high…” Instructive: “Walk, don’t run…” Expressive: “Ouch!” Most fiction writers will only use one – at most, two – of these forms. So use all three. Mix them up. It’s how people talk.
Number Ten: Write the book you want to read.
Number Eleven: Get author book jacket photos taken now, while you’re young. And get the negatives and copyright on those photos.
Number Twelve: Write about the issues that really upset you. Those are the only things worth writing about. In his course, called “Dangerous Writing,” Tom Spanbauer stresses that life is too precious to spend it writing tame, conventional stories to which you have no personal attachment. There are so many things that Tom talked about but that I only half remember: the art of “manumission,” which I can’t spell, but I understood to mean the care you use in moving a reader through the moments of a story. And “sous conversation,” which I took to mean the hidden, buried message within the obvious story. Because I’m not comfortable describing topics I only half-understand, Tom’s agreed to write a book about his workshop and the ideas he teaches. The working title is “A Hole In The Heart,” and he plans to have a draft ready by June 2006, with a publishing date set in early 2007.
Number Thirteen: Another Christmas window story. Almost every morning, I eat breakfast in the same diner, and this morning a man was painting the windows with Christmas designs. Snowmen. Snowflakes. Bells. Santa Claus. He stood outside on the sidewalk, painting in the freezing cold, his breath steaming, alternating brushes and rollers with different colors of paint. Inside the diner, the customers and servers watched as he layered red and white and blue paint on the outside of the big windows. Behind him the rain changed to snow, falling sideways in the wind.
The painter’s hair was all different colors of gray, and his face was slack and wrinkled as the empty ass of his jeans. Between colors, he’d stop to drink something out of a paper cup.
Watching him from inside, eating eggs and toast, somebody said it was sad. This customer said the man was probably a failed artist. It was probably whiskey in the cup. He probably had a studio full of failed paintings and now made his living decorating cheesy restaurant and grocery store windows. Just sad, sad, sad.
This painter guy kept putting up the colors. All the white “snow,” first. Then some fields of red and green. Then some black outlines that made the color shapes into Xmas stockings and trees.
A server walked around, pouring coffee for people, and said, “That’s so neat. I wish I could do that…”
And whether we envied or pitied this guy in the cold, he kept painting. Adding details and layers of color. And I’m not sure when it happened, but at some moment he wasn’t there. The pictures themselves were so rich, they filled the windows so well, the colors so bright, that the painter had left. Whether he was a failure or a hero. He’d disappeared, gone off to wherever, and all we were seeing was his work.
Oct 27, 2006 • Literature and Fiction
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By Mike
This is the story of a border, 2,100 miles in length; a story that is rich in historical significance; a story that is rich in cultural implications; or rather, a story that is about as ridiculous as my opening.
The Yard
Look, Uncle Sam, I love you—no, no, don’t say that, I really do. I didn’t want to be the one to have to tell you the obvious, but you see, you have a problem. Yeah, it turns out your neighbors have kind of been walking into your yard and using your pool and grill, and I guess they’ve been walking in your house and actually cooking your food on that grill, too.
I know, you know, but, uh, they’re kind of trespassing, which I think is illegal in this county. Punishable by deportation to the next county; yeah, it’s pretty serious stuff.
Oh, you have a plan to remedy the situation? Well, that’s great. Oh, and you’ve run it by the missus and she’s ok with it? Even better! So what is it?
Ah, you’re putting up a fence, you sly devil. What kind of fence, like a really tall one, with barbed wire, or…? Oh, I see, you’re putting up a chain-link fence, and its only covering how much of your yard space? One third?
Look, Sam—can I call you Sam— I’m not sure that a short chain-link fence covering a third of your yard is really going to stop your neighbors from getting in. Oh, we’re only talking about one third of the back line of your yard…look buddy that might be worse. You’re probably only going to slow your neighbors down a little, because all they have to do is walk twenty feet to their east and they’re right back in your yard doing the same thing as before. And it looks like, uh, your wife isn’t going to allocate any extra money to the project, so how are you paying for it?
Oh, you want your friends to think you’re tough on these illegal trespassers; yeah, I guess you look that way. But, don’t you think that you’re offending your closest neighbor in the back by only putting up a fence on the side that he touches?
Yeah, I understand you’ve also got to be tough on those neighborhood terrors, the darn kids; always plotting ways to get into your yard so they can vandalize your house. I remember when they took down your tall oak with a chainsaw—unbelievable, especially how they did it from the top down. Kids are inventive, aren’t they? But they haven’t really bugged you since then. Since you bought the house of, well, what you thought was one of the ring leaders. I guess he really wasn’t though, was he? But you wanted that 1.2 acre plot of rich land anyway, so it all worked out.
But, really, if you want to keep things under control at home, a longer fence might help, or a couple more dogs; something to patrol the yard a little. It might scare people off a bit.
And really, you’ve got to stop leaving the garage doors open, and your house doors unlocked, it really sends the wrong message.
Oct 27, 2006 • Politics
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By Mike
I must admit, it has been far too long since I have written for pleasure; it seems that for the most part I’m stuck writing a report at work or writing something trivial for a class assignment—not that my education is trivial, but it seems to be more and more difficult to concentrate on it as I get bogged down with everything else.
But, alas, I will put that all behind me.
I will be embarking on a multipart series about the creation of a website; in particular the creation of the very product you see before your eyes—hopefully one you like.
The real question I have to start out with in this case is: why should I even write an article concerning this subject? Simply put, if you’re interested in developing something for yourself—a blog perhaps—you should probably know the right way to go about it, and besides, I write about what I know.
Anyway, unless you’re using a template, there really is a process that must be followed in order to ensure your website meets certain established guidelines and expectations. For instance, in the previous version of Minor Speculum you would have noticed while browsing in Firefox that it refused to display properly; that can be quite a problem, which we will be discussing in greater detail later.
All right, lets get on with it.
Formalities
What I would primarily like to do here is to go through a couple of the steps in the pre-production, or planning, stages of web design. By far, this is the single most important step in the process. DO NOT SKIMP on any of it!
Ok, perhaps claiming it as the most important is a small stretch, because you’ll want to make sure you have some killer content, but trust me going in with a plan makes things a hell of a lot easier in the end.
Demographics
Jumping into a project like this, with a relatively ‘well’ established fan base, it’s pretty simple to tell what your particular demographic is looking for, but in most cases you’ll probably only know who your target audience is. And to be honest, figuring out what kind of content to serve up on a platter to that audience can be the most difficult part.
If you have a truckload of money lying around, I would suggest doing a lot of research. Form focus groups, collect data, hire scientists to study the data, and form more focus groups. After that compile the data, and serve up the content.
If you’re like the majority of us self-published kings of our own universe, you’ll lack the government grants and private funding to conduct such studies. Instead, there is a good chance that the kind of research you’ll have to do is on the web. You have to ask yourself, “What are sites similar in content and style to the approach I would like to take doing and should I do the same?”
If you were not one to go too far outside the clichéd box, then I would stick to a tried and true formula; what works for them will probably work for me. Pretty simple.
Bottom line on this one: do the research, and make sure you can serve up killer content, because without it, the best design in the world won’t keep visitors coming back.
Lets Keep Planning
“Jesus Christ man. I thought we were done with this planning.” Wrong again, sucka. Now that we know who we want to ship content to, we need to know how they expect that content to be displayed, and—better yet—how do we want it to be displayed?
When it comes down to it, you can do this any number of ways. I’m a little old school, so I start out with a pencil, a number two will work, and a sketchpad. I quickly, and let me emphasize quickly, rough out about five to ten different layout ideas. I’m not a traditionally trained graphic designer, so my ideas are not always conventional, and they will not always translate to the web, but the idea here is to get as creative as possible.
Keep in mind that the one thing you need to know about layout design for the web is that for the most part you’ll want to stick to a grid—don’t get me wrong, you can design something that doesn’t appear to be on a grid, but at the end of the day, you’re outside of the box design will still be done…on a grid.
Anyway, once I have those roughs complete, I grab a couple that have caught my attention and see if I can adapt them for some further refining. Once I settle on a layout that I’m happy enough to work with, I’ll take that layout into Adobe Illustrator and set it up so that I can start to work with sizing and can refine the layout so that it will actually work on the web.
Now that we’re into Illustrator, we’ll have to leave the layout and design for the next installment.
What have we covered?
So, what exactly did we just cover here?
- Your Demographic – Who are you serving content to?
- Content – What kind of content will you deliver?
- Plan the Design – How should I set up the layout?
Hopefully with a little planning and research you’ll be able to answer these questions for the beginning stages of your own project—if you’re even thinking about it.
Oct 26, 2006 • Technology
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By Brad
The Hartford Indians are in the playoffs! Despite losing the SAC championship game the Indians are in with a seven and two record. Hartford is matched up in the first district of region three, in division six with the Wyoming Lee Rebels. Through mind numbing searching I was able to find that the Rebels are located just south of Grand Rapids and are an independent team, not affiliated with a conference. Wyoming Lee posts a record of seven wins with only one loss coming in week one to the Martin Clippers. The Rebels have scored 319 points and have given up 97 this year. Where as the Indians have posted 200 points and allowed 159. With those simple stats in place it looks like the Indians may have their hands full, but it is hard to tell with both teams weak schedules. Out of nine teams the Indians have faced this year only three were able to make the playoffs and just four teams posted a winning record. The Rebels have put up big numbers against teams like New Buffalo, 41-6, and Eau Claire, 35-0. Once again their only loss came at the hands of the Martin Clippers. The same Clippers that last week lost to Decatur, 34- 14. The Indians defeated those playoff bound Raiders by a score of 25- 19 in double overtime. So how good are the Wyoming Lee Rebels? I have no idea. But I do know that this is the first time a Wyoming Lee football team has ever made it to the playoffs. Their seven and one record is the best in the schools history. This is also the first time in their schools history winning over five games. They have only had three winning seasons since 1990. So once again, how good are the Wyoming Lee Rebels? Hopefully not as good as Hartford. If Hartford should win they would take on the winner of 5-4 Montague at 9-0 Kalamazoo Christian.
Other notable playoff bound teams are:
Former Hartford coach Jim Webb has a 6-3 Cadillac team in the playoffs playing against a 5-4 Petoskey team. Cadillac in division three, region one, district one could run into a regional championship game with other notable Hartford area teams. Coach Paran travels back to his old team in the first round of the playoffs as 7-2 Mattawan takes on 7-2 Lakeshore in Stevensville. The Dock versus Paran game should be one of the best in the area. The St. Joseph Bears are also in that district but have to pull a big upset against 8-1 Richland Gull Lake to get a rematch with either the Lancers or the Wildcats. Both Mattawan and Lakeshore beat the Bears in the regular season.
Good ole Dave’s 7-2 Ovid Elsie Marauders, I think that’s their name, are in division five and playing 6-3 Essexville Garber. I don’t really know anything about either team, nor does anyone else for that matter….Go Dave!?
In the region below Hartford, the 8-1 Schoolcraft Eagles take on the 8-1 Constantine Falcons. Snap! The Eagles have been the only team to beat Constantine this year, and they did so with a last second field goal to win 35-32. The winner of that playoff game will take on the winner of the game between 7-2 Kalamazoo Hackett and 8-1 Union City. This is the toughest district in my opinion, which doesn’t really mean tidally squat. Oh yeah and the winner of this district could take on the Hartford Indians in the regional championship game.
In division seven the undefeated champions of the SAC, Gobles Tigers take on 6-3 Holton. Gobles will most likely win, as much as I don’t like to say that. Lawton has made the playoffs for the first time since 1985. Congratulations Blue Devils! Now you can go on to play the Muskegon Catholic Central Crusaders and get beat very, very badly. Gobles versus MCC for the district championship game should be a good one. The winner of that district could see more area teams. The EC Beavers are the Red Arrow Conference champions. Wait…what!? Say that again. The Eau Claire Beavers are the Red Arrow Conference champions! That is extremely depressing. Sigh. EC will take on an undefeated team from Cassopolis. Also in that district is the Decatur Raiders. Yes that Raider team that at one point was undefeated ranked fifth in division seven, and supposedly on a collision course with Gobles in the SAC championship game. I wonder what happened to those guys. Anyway they take on 7-2 Centerville.
Lastly, all the way at the bottom of the list in division eight, the 7-2 Martin Clippers play at home against a 7-2 team from Pittsford. If the Clippers can get by Pittsford they will take on the undefeated Panthers of Climax Scotts. Climax Scotts have beaten the Clippers the last two years in the playoffs. Martin was routed 49-12 in 2004 as the Panthers went on the win the state title, and the Clippers were clipped 32-29 in last years opening round of the playoffs.
Well that about sums it up and I apologize for typing so damn much. I was an accident. GO GREEN!
Oct 22, 2006 • Sports
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By Larry
Horse the Band – Pizza EP
To understand Horse the Band, one must first understand the audience. There hasn’t been a cult following like this since Charles Manson. One fan has even called Horse “El Nuevo Niño Jesus.” Whatever that means. In fourteen suicides, all in upstate New York, HtB was recorded as the direct cause.
To understand Horse the Band, one must first understand the genre. A subgenre of what is now referred to as hardcore; Nintendo-core is the balance achieved when the elements of NES music and modern hardcore are combined. Nintendo-core can only be achieved fully when the material is original. Nintendo-core is not when bands, be they hardcore or not, play Nintendo songs. In fact, between their two full lengths, 2001’s R. Borlax, and 2003’s The Mechanical Hand, HtB has only referenced three Nintendo characters (in three songs) ever: Cutsman, Pol’s Voice, and Birdo. Those are the titles. Otherwise they sing about Neitsche (only one song, but what would you rather be know as, a band that sings about Frederic Neitsche or NES?) and stuff.
So what did they sing about this time? Well, according to the official press release on the band’s site:
We ate really, really, really good pizza at Lou Malnati’s in Chicago. The pizza was such that we were inspired by God to write music of the kind not heard in this world since Mozart was fed his first currywurst… We couldn’t decide if we should stay in Chicago and keep eating pizza for the rest of our lives. But after two days of rigorous theory, we realized we had to write divine music about the pizza. We decided to drive home immediately and write and record a 5-song EP called ‘Pizza.’ God was there.
I should mention here that Horse isn’t the first act to write about pizza, System of a Down did on their EP, Steal This Album! There are no confirmed reports that the song was inspired by Lou Malnati’s, but this is the first time an entire EP has.
Songs:
Anti-Pizza
Crippled by Pizza (Pizzarrhea in the Pizzeria)
Werepizza
Pizza Nif
T.M.N.T
The saying about pizza (the food) goes something like this: pizza is like sex, when its good its good, when its bad, its still good. The same can be said for Pizza (the album): It may not be your cup of tea, but then again you’re gay.
To understand Horse the Band, one must first understand the humor.
So what’s next for Horse? Well, according to the official press release on the band’s site:
It is going to be the best album ever. It isn’t going to sound like Pizza or The Mechanical Hand, it is going to sound better, with better parts that you can’t even conceive of! And we are going to take it to the next level, if you can even believe that.
Sounds good to me.
Continuing with our albums with a food in the name theme…
TV on the Radio – Return to Cookie Mountain
Here are some scattered thoughts about New York’s finest, TV on the Radio, because it is truly hard to put any words to Return to Cookie Mountain: it isn’t catchy, top-40, pop shit. It can’t be defined by any genre as a whole (unless under the general umbrella term Rock) but there are elements of many genres in the music. It is a record that is not even close to being accessible. Most everyone that reads this site probably won’t like it. I hardly do. But! I cannot deny its absolute brilliance. Things happen on this record that I didn’t know were possible in music. It has wreaked total havoc on my limbic system. I know what you’re thinking, dear reader, ask.com it.
Got it? That’s how good it is.
David Bowie appears on the song Province. That’s how good it is.
It is like going on a carnival ride through the art districts of NY, carnage and trash everywhere.
So boner inspiring is this album that I can hardly type a word much less form a coherent thought. And the LYRICS! AHHHHHH!
Arguably one of the best albums of the year.
Oct 15, 2006 • Music
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By Jared
Does it seem like everyone on campus is talking on, pretending to be talking on, texting, blogging, or creating alternate atmospheres on their cell phone? Well, that is because they are. Just from my own estimation and far from a scientific study, I concluded, while walking in the Union toward Woodward, that 7 out of ten people were in some way using their cell phones.
I know, I know, so what, right? Wrong. The fact is cell phones are the new cigarettes, the status quo for looking not so isolated or unimportant. Walk out of class with nothing to do? Grab your cell phone and check the time. Just park your car? Send a quick text to your friend about the super cool thing that happened last night in front of Moe’s. Standing alone in between classes? Call an old friend and have a ten-minute-power-chat. And the thing is, no one finds it odd, not even a little bit. In fact, reading this article probably seems stranger than 70 percent of students walking on campus while caressing cell phones.
But remember the 20th Century. That old Y2K thing and the Apocalypse sure seem like so long ago now that we have $600 game consoles, PDA’s that fold out into keyboards, and voice activated dialing systems. However, I remember my first cell phone. It was fresh, cool and it made me somebody, even though I carried it around in a bag. It seems like forever ago, the days of Mike Jordan and the Backstreet Boys, before things were ‘tight’ and ‘true.’
What concerns me most is the fact that I cannot even function without my cell phone. For example, I had a meeting the other night and was dropped off by my girlfriend due to the fact that Pontiac makes poor vehicles, and unbeknownst to me I had left my ‘celly’ under the pillow at my ‘crib.’ So after the meeting I reached for my empty pocket to discover that indeed, no mobile, as the Brits call it. Yet to panic, I calmly strolled toward the payphone, swiped my Visa Checkcard and began to dial. But then it hit me, like a jump kick from Tony Jaa, I realized my memory had been replaced by a SimCard and millions of digits.
My mind was blank.
I felt abandoned and alone. My heart raced with a sense of desperation that I could only imagine those Survivor folks feel. I tried desperately to remember anyone’s number but nothing came. So I did what any red-blooded American man would do, I walked home. A shameful stride of self-deprecation and foolhardy pride while I tried to keep my head up and my eyes dry.
When I got home I sat down at my laptop and connected to my Comcast high-speed Internet. Without a landline or a kind neighbor willing to lend me their phone without a snide remark to the tune of, “What, you don’t have a cell phone?” I was forced to log on to the pervasive peer gathering called Facebook. From there I found an old friend online whom I had not spoken with since leaving Michigan some two years ago.
After snatching his AIM screename, I sent him a message asking him to call my girlfriend and tell her to come pick me up from my house. And then, of course, I asked him how he was doing and told him to say hello to his mother for me. I finished up with, “I’ll call you when I get my cell back, take care.”
The world is so connected these days it is frightening. Cell phones truly are the must have accessory for the 21st Century like cigarettes were in the early 1900’s. Our culture and our economy depend on this level of connection every day. Cell numbers are forgotten because they are never learned, but stored in a microchip covered in plastic. Entire nation’s economies collapse because of the information overload and the easiness in which capital can move throughout the globe.
The things that make life easier are sometimes the things that we take for granted and when they are gone, we are simply forced to walk home.
Oct 12, 2006 • OP-ED
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By Jared
Let me tell you something about Midterm Election years. They make the President or they break the President. As far back as you look, the Midterms have either allowed for a public policy legacy to be left, or an incumbent irrelevancy.
Take GW Bush, go ahead take him (da-dun tsst). Seriously though, his first Midterms were a full success as Republicans took back the Senate and made a few gains in the house. This ultimately led to the President’s agenda being streamlined through congress and played a huge roll in the confirmation of two Supreme Court Justice nominees.
This year the Republicans, and America for that matter, are in trouble. It is partisan, partisan, partisan and nothing is being left off the table. Current Ohio House Representative and party leader Debbie Pryce, has lost almost eight points in internal polls after an ad linked her to Congressman Foley, the sex scandal cat from Florida.
There are so many political weapons going around these days that the Midterms are a ticking atomic bomb waiting to erupt, Kin Jong Il style. There are: Abramoff, the 100k in the freezer, Iran/Iraq/Afghanistan, Plume, phone tapping, sex scandals, etc. The worst-case scenario for the Country is exactly what is happening, both parties are reaching to their cores to turn out hard-line extremists causing more of a partisan divide than already exists.
A Virginia Senator said it best, “It used to be we would argue with each other on CSPAN to look good for home base and then go out to have a few beers and talk about how best to do our jobs. Now when the cameras go off we are still arguing like ‘West Side Story.’”
Take Connecticut for example. Sen. Joe Lieberman was the VP nominee for 2000 and probably the Democrat with the best crossover appeal in the party. But because of his support of Iraq, the Democrats turned on him, nominated Ned Lamont, and defeated Joe in the primary. However, it obviously was not what the people of Connecticut wanted as Lieberman is currently holding a comfortable lead in the polls.
As for the outlook of the Senate Elections, now just three weeks away, the future is becoming more and more dreary for the Republicans. Incumbents in the hot seat this year are as follows: Ohio Sen. Dewine, Rhode Island Sen. Chafee, Pennsylvania Sen. Santorum, Missouri Sen. Talent, Virginia Sen. Allen (who has presidential hopes in 2008), Montana Sen. Burns, and Arizona Sen. Kyl. These are big name guys in the Republican Party with about 20 or so leadership seats on important committees.
The House of Representatives is a massive cluster-you-know-what and there is not enough room to break it down. Suffice it to say (to coin the cliché), that constituents are tired of their incumbents and tired of Congress. The last poll showed the Congressional approval rating is closer to Ryne Sandberg’s batting average, 32% (or .320 for the BA), than it is to a typical poll for DC Mafioso.
No one really expected both Houses of Congress to be in jeopardy this fall but due to the changing sentiment sweeping across the country, look for big changes. And if the House of Reps changes hands, no kidding, impeachment will come up, leading American politics to spin into a whirlpool of uncertainty. Perhaps David Ickey was not pulling our legs when he warned us of a civil war after all.
Oct 12, 2006 • Politics
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By Larry
Since it was pointed out, no my last review wasn’t the best, in fact it really had nothing to do with the music by either band it was mostly me just wanting to write that infamous “fourth paragraph.” But I was angry and disappointed and was left feeling bitter (especially concerning the case of The Mars Volta). These are two of the better contemporary rock bands! What are were they thinking? Aw shucks, I guess we all have our off days.
Still! Let this be heard throughout the land! I challenge anyone to find two guitarists more exciting to listen to. (There are obvious exceptions.)
Another factor that I believe has an effect on our response to music is our anticipation. I expected a great deal from these two artists and therefore maybe I kind of jinxed myself. So I scaled back a bit, took a risk.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Band of Horses and Phoenix.
Band of Horses – Everything All The Time
Not to be confused with Horse the Band (the Nintendo-Core group from California who have the funniest website I’ve ever seen), Band of Horses is the re-animated corpse of Seattle indie darlings Carissa’s Weird (what is it about the Pacific Northwest that produces so many exceptional groups?). Founders Ben Bridwell and Mat Brooke have produced a dense and dreamy debut. Poor Ben Bridwell has the unfortunate curse some vocalists suffer from, which is sounding like another singer. On most of the album he sounds like Jim James of My Morning Jacket, whom I told you about. Musically though they are in a completely different territory, the guitars are still meaty but Band of Horses bypass the pyrotechnics in favor of melody. There is a buffet of “must-hear” tracks but I will mention only “The Funeral”, the song that hooked me right away. You can see a video for it here. Tell me how it goes because I sure as hell can’t see it on this blasted dial-up!! Want to hear more? You can also download a few tracks from the media section of their website. Band of Horses are signed to Sub Pop.
Phoenix – It’s Never Been Like That.
The best thing from France since Michel Gondry! (Take that French bashers!) Phoenix is a Parisian group of young men whose previous two albums were mostly sprawling electronic rock. On “It’s Never Been Like That”, Phoenix’s electronic shells have been shed and now the Sun shines on the rawer, warmer epidermis that has been exposed. Thanks to the repaired heart/mind connection the feelings begin to pour out and the music takes on a three dimensional figure, a catchy figure at that. The production is still slick but manage to preserve that fresh and sincere, first-take feeling in the songs. The guitars are confident and engaging and the beats are tight and danceable. But the lyrics, sung in English, also largely autobiographical, is why these guys fit the romantic French-guy stereotype: “My heart is waiting for a new you/ And there’s no other option on the schedule” So next time you read a girl poetry in French, remember: Its not because its in French, its because it is French; possibly the best of the Romance languages, certainly the most romantic anyway. Check out: Consolation Prizes and Long Distance Call. Phoenix is signed to Astralwerks.
Tags: Band of Horses Pheonix
Oct 08, 2006 • Music
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