The 48th Annual Depress Larry Awards or, Misery Loves Company
Let me break it down for you before I break down.
I love Jay-Z, when I first heard the Black Album I started crying, seriously. And I love The Beatles, Revolver is the greatest album of all time. But, I can’t stand Linkin Park. So if you watched the Oscars you already know what my problem is. If not, then let me fill you in.
Robert Johnson, the most legendary and revered blues man ever, Period, Amen, is honored with the Lifetime Achievement Award, who presents him with this award? Rapper/actor LL Cool J (who better?) Mr. Cool J then tosses to the musical performance: “pioneering rapper” Jay-Z (true) and Linkin Park, who “combine elements of hip-hop, rock and electronic music,” (also true, but badly) with Special Guest. Special Guest you say?
So Jay-Z starts in on the opening track to the Black Album (Numb). Little did I know halfway through “Numb/Encore” (for which Jay and LP won the “Best Rap/Sung Collaboration Award”) would they change it up (Thank God) right at the Linkin Park (/Numb) part, but you could imagine my horror upon hearing them instead segue into a Beatles classic “Yesterday” then seeing Paul McCartney, the mother-fucking Walrus, appear onstage to join them. There have been thousands of bad Beatles covers, (re: Thrice’s butchering of “Eleanor Rigby”) because what better way to pay homage to the greatest songwriters of our/all time by taking one of their songs, and completely screwing it up. I can accept that. I can accept that. But when an actual member and songwriter is an accomplice? Why Paul, why? It wasn’t like you were making up beef with anyone, noooo you’d have to appear onstage with the Gallagher brothers for that, which could possibly be next. John Lennon would have never done that and that’s why he was everyone’s favorite Beatle. Although I should note, that he appeared on the Jigga Man’s T-shirt. Which he couldn’t really help now, could he precious?
The Grammys have a long tradition of bringing artists together for once in a lifetime performances, (aka ratings) mostly combining the old with the young. This year it was Macca with LP and Jay-Z, and Christina Aguilera with Herbie Hancock. Last year Foo Fighters with Chick Corea. 2001, Elton John with Eminem. And more infamously in 1994, Frank Sinatra with a TV ad.
Doesn’t anyone else see how wrong this is?
Also…
Where the fuck has Christina Aguilera been? 5 years ago she became Xtina and no one’s heard from her since then. Until now… (And over the summer when she got married)
Is it just me or did Larry Mullen Jr., the drummer from U2, look like Peter Stormare on FOX’s Prison Break
Mariah Carey’s album was great stuff, one of the best of the year, but did everyone already forget she went bat-shit crazy a couple of years ago? I guess that is why they call it a comeback.
Who else is tired of Jamie Foxx? He’s one of the most talented people in the biz, both of them, but enough is enough. I want the old Jamie back, the pre-Oscar Jamie, the high-top fade Jamie.
And the Foo Fighters got robbed of best 5.1 Surround Sound System Album.
When it comes to pleasing this humble author, this year’s Grammys are Broke, Broke, Broke, Phi Broke, they ain’t got it.
Thank God the Beasties were on Letterman later to cheer me up…
For a complete list of winners or to learn to play poker for free, Click Here.
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