11 Questions With “The Coyote Kid”
Days after bagging a coyote in the outlandish odyssey of the Michigan outdoors, Scott “The Coyote Kid” Nykamp sat down with us to share about hunting, Fred Trost, and lost love.
1. In a recent article in your beloved herald palladium, Al Arend accused hunting of being an inferior sport. How do you respond to this claim?
Please don’t poison this wonderful series of questions with talks of Mr. Arend. Mr. Arend is entitled to his opinions, even though those opinions are swayed by the evil “S”. Besides, Al’s just pissed because the last time he tried to go hunting, cardiac arrest stole the day from him after he took four steps into the woods.
2. In Contrast, you were named Sportsman of the Week by the Tri-City Record. How does Mike Leith stand in your book in comparison to Al Arend?
Mike Leith is just so dry. “Then they got the ball. Then they ran four plays. Then they scored.” I’d still take Leith over Al though. He doesn’t use the Record as a podium to spew immature views upon the public.
3. What about the coverage of area sports, who does the better job?
Well if by area you mean Hartford, Coloma, and Watervliet, definitely the record. The Palladium is pretty awful. Example? Say there is a big rivalry basketball game in a small class C school. The outcome of the game lacks some huge implication, but the gym is packed and the crowd is going nuts. We’ll say that game goes into triple overtime and the winning team scored the final nine points in the final 17 seconds. That game will get a three paragraph write-up, while St. Joe losing to Battle Creek Central by 36 points will get one color, one black and white photo, and two pages. Please explain to me why.
4. Is Fred Trost a personal hero of yours? And what lasting effect has Bruce Pennington had on your life?
(Laughs) Fred Trost, now there’s a name. I’ve had the extreme pleasure of drinking with Fred on a bitter cold winter’s day in central Michigan, in a small bar that smelled of kerosene. He’s a real gentleman and a scholar, and he taught me a lot about life. He made a grab for my thigh around 1:30 in the morning, but c’mon—the guy’d been drinking whiskey for nine hours. Pennington taught me to never mount a goose and hang it from the ceiling, some asshole kid will fuck with it and your feelings will be crushed.
5. Do you consider yourself a hero for shooting that coyote, at least to the rabbits of the area?
Yes. When I found the dead dog, about four feet away was a large pile of turkey feathers. This guy was eating well. Through various forms, mostly the small, cheap thank you cards, the small game of the area have shown their appreciation. However, several vicious attacks have appeared in “Coyote Weekly.”
6. I think they should’ve given you a medal and an article but some people have been critical about killing a coyote when your out hunting for whatever it was you were out hunting for. How do you hush your critics?
Recent polls have shown that coyote awareness is down 32 percent this year. What that translates to is this: more dogs, more problems, with less people giving two shits. They are predators who cruise the countryside and kill whatever they see, barring the right circumstances. I was duck hunting on that beautifully peaceful morning and had ducks within a few feet of me, swimming around and feeding. But then out comes ‘ol Canis latrans, looking for a morning snack. I think I was more pissed off than anything; this asshole was trying to ruin my morning. So I ruined his.
7. What do the ladies think about your heroic quest to rid Southwest Michigan of coyotes under the alias of the ‘Coyote Kid’?
Geez. Where to start? At first they were slightly taken aback. I kept hearing shit like “Aww, why’d you shoot the puppy?” To which I replied, “That puppy killed my grandmother’s poodle.” That usually gets ‘em. Avenging my grandmother’s loss, they find that pretty sweet. I’ve had sex with 78 girls since the kill, and I’m pretty sure that porn is the next step. I’ll still be the ‘Coyote Kid’ and I’ll be wearing the actual dog skin while “fuckin”.
8. What next Scott, jaguars, lions?
Giraffes. I just think it would look badass to have a giraffe mounted with that really long neck. Hmm…got you thinking, didn’t it?
9. What is it about animals that rub you the wrong way and what does hunting accomplish?
I hate cute furry things with big eyes. Not really. I like the taste. Ever eaten a wild turkey? Tastes just like the bird you’d pay 15 bucks for in the store. For some people, the idea of eating an animal that I shot out in the woods is disgusting. They prefer farm raised animals that are pumped full of hormones and never had a chance to live.
I remember when I was a sophomore in Dollison’s class, and a heated discussion on deer hunting started. Headed by, of course, Leslie Ward. Dollison didn’t see the purpose of deer hunting and thought if there was a problem with deer population, why couldn’t we just trap them and release them elsewhere? That was one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard. The state of Michigan makes a shit-ton of money because of deer hunting. So the state is happy. Many of the residents of the state are happy; either from having meat in the freezer, or from having a car outside that hasn’t been wrecked in a car/deer collision, possibly a result of overpopulation. It’s almost kind of funny to think of a deer jumping in front of a car on purpose to kill himself because he would rather die than walk into a trap and be separated from his family. Jesus, sorry for the rant.
10. Ever wanted to hunt a human?
Shit yes. Call me General Zaroff.
11. Finally, if you could do it all over again, and by it I mean life, what would you change and what would you keep the same?
Wow, what a great question. What I definitely wouldn’t change is my love for the arts.
If I could change something I would have kept my van a little longer. She needed a little work and I thought it would be worth keeping her, but in the end it just didn’t work out for us. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of the love that we shared and the similarities we had. Ha, her laugh, Jesus, that sweet laugh. I remember how disappointed she was in me the first time I fucked in the back of her. Silent treatment, engine would cut out at stoplights, the typical treatment received from a woman when she’s put into that position. I settled for a midsize pick-up that’s shy and not too outgoing. She was thrust into a relationship with a Hispanic gentleman who obviously didn’t care for her needs. Life goes on, one day and one coyote at a time.
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