By Jared
Check this shit out. The US Government, the fiscal geniuses that they are, decided to put about 2,000 folks from the bayou on boats in the Gulf of Mexico. Put them up, gave them some cash, payed for the room, the hot tub, the filet-o-fish, all the above. No worries in sight, besides the fact that they no longer have a city, much less homes. Now keep in mind, I could take a week cruise for about 600 bucks, same ship. The uncontested contract Carnival scored from Uncle Sam was worth about $5,000 per person, per week. What the F is that about? Sorry for swearing so much but damn!
It’s $200 million!
They could have flown everyone from the ships to New york City, first class, put them up in the Waldorf for SIX MONTHS and saved $90 million.
I don’t know about you but I think it’s pretty obvious that money is of no concern to our congress. They vote to give GW Bush an extra half-a-billion in aid this year for the Iraq conflict. The total is already up to $200 billion for the last three years. They vote to rebuild a city under water that can’t withstand the backside of a hurricane. The price tag on that is going to be somewhere around $200 billion as well. Hell, I can’t even get three grand for college.
What are they thinking about? What about the depletion of Social Security? What about the outrageous cost of insurance? What about the cuts in Education? What about the benefits to soldiers? All of these uncontested contracts worth massive amounts of money going to these powerhouse companies. Essentially they are taking our money and just giving it to Halliburton, Valero, Carnival, and the list goes on. Take my money and give it to the poor people. Rebuild their levees and give them a nice project house. Don’t give my $500 to Carnival for raising prices over 1000% and cancelling their other lower cost cruises to normal consumers so they can milk our government for a nice pay day to raise their quarter profits and push stocks up.
We’re already paying $700 per person, on average, to fight a war for fuel in the Middle East. Meanwhile, our soldiers are payed less, the retiring generation that still hold on to their jobs for a little extra dough after retirement are about to bankrupt Social Security, and middle class families can’t pay tuition or go to see Dr. Ravi.
But at least poor folk get to stay aboard luxury cruise liners and soak up the sun on a three month vacation. The Feds will figure it out, right? They have to. They’re the smart guys and gals. I mean who am I, just a broke college kid ranting about the fiscal policy of our congress, Donkeys and Elephants alike.
Sep 29, 2005 • Politics
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By Jared
Look who’s on top of the AL East again. New York, NY. I love it man. Boston leads the entire season and now they are on the outside looking in. Honestly, who wants to watch the postseason without the Yankees? They’re like Tiger Woods.
As of right now, the Yanks have a game lead over the Bo Sox and the Indians are tied with Boston in the Wild Card. Bud Selig and Fox are praying Cleveland falls to Chi-town this weekend in the season finale so that both the Yankees and the Red Sox get in and meet up in the ALCS. Who cares about the NL? No Cubs, no reason for me to watch.
Let’s hear some predictions. Here’s how it stands as of right now.
AL EAST
Yankees 94-65
Red Sox 93-66
AL Wildcard
Indians 93-66
Red Sox 93-66
Yankees play the Red Sox in the final three game series of the season. Cleveland plays the White Sox and keep in mind Chicago just clinched the division. How is it going to finish?
Sep 29, 2005 • Sports
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By Jared
The votes are in and John Roberts will lead the federal judicial branch for most of our lives, assuming he stays in good health. He seems like a good guy, better than Tom Delay anyway. Although not much is known about the new Chief Justice, what is known is that he was opposed by more senate members than any of the last four Chiefs have been. The votes were 78-22, although sufficing the two-thirds majority, it did raise some eyebrows.
The reason is because the democratic party is wide open for canidates. They have to vote against the guy, politically. It’s all a game, basically. Hillary Clinton and Russel Feingold both want the nod from their party in 2008, so they oppose anything to do with our current, for lack of a better word, leader. So some of the hard nosed dems, including Ted Kennedy and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, voted against Roberts.
There are 55 Republicans on the court. All of them, obviously, gave Johnny boy the thumbs up. The 44 Liberals were split in half (big surprise) and the lone independent favored the flavor Roberts brought to the ball.
Tom Delay, the House Majority Leader who was recently indicted for smuggling some cash to Texas Conservative canidates, was definitely in favor of Roberts becoming the next Chief Justice. Delay and other Conservatives are now looking to the next nominee Bush gets to put up. Replacing Sandra Day O’Connor is the true hinge in the court. She was always on the fence so to speak when it came to issues and looked at these cases from a contructivist point of view. Look, Rehnquist was to the right, Roberts is to the right, it’s a dollar for a dollar. But O’Connor, she was one of a kind. She never voted one way or the other and if Bush replaces her with a Gonzales or a Alito, Civil Rights and racial equality could be tossed off of Capital Hill.
Roberts actually wrote in favor of affirmative action and the equality of voting rights for minorities. He has played both sides really well thus far but they always do. They have to suck up to whoever is in the administration because they want the best job on the planet. Honestly, supreme court judge, talk about job security with great benefits and a comfortable salary. So I’m not too worried about Ol’ Roberts as much as I am the next nominee but we’ll just have to wait and see who that might be.
Sep 29, 2005 • Politics
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By Mike
In a move designed to surprise no one, Roberts was unanimously, minus 5 votes, approved as a nominee by the Senate Judiciary Committee. The move marks the first time in the past month that a nominee was approved by the committee of braggarts.
However, the nomination isn’t without its upcoming troubles. Many senators are worried about Roberts views, and the possibility that he could swing the court in a conservative direction. “I’ve got to admit I’m worried about Roberts views. He could swing the court in a conservative direction,” said tourist John Hill, Democrat IL.
Many are also worried about his age. Jake Jones, nobody, said, “Mr. Roberts is on the verge of old age. Is it really appropriate to nominate someone who could potentially die in the next 30 years or so? I don’t think so. Its just plain idiotic.” Idiotic indeed. The last man to sit in the chair of chief justice perished after a mere 33 years on the bench. But, lessons like this are short lived amongst many administrations as they attempt to push their agenda on the court and the rest of the country.
The real question is, what can Roberts do about these hurricanes from the bench? Will he have enough time to consider their constitutionality? And how about Iraq, will he be a strong enough leader? And what kind of agenda does he really have? If he is finally confirmed, and many predict he will be, we will see in the next several years who Roberts truly is.
Sep 22, 2005 • Politics
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By Mike
Germany and her citizens have been left in complete and utter disbelief after the general election Sunday failed to produce a clear leader. In a hotly contested election, between Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder’s Social Democrats, which received 34.3% of the vote, and Angela Merkel’s conservative Christian Democrats, which received 35.2%, neither party has emerged in a position to take control of the government. Angela Merkel could have been Germany’s first female leader had her party won a clear mandate.
German citizens were surprised upon waking Monday morning to find that they lacked a leader. Local bus driver Johan Wilke said, “Sure I’m upset, but you know, we should have expected this. I mean, everywhere you look people are losing jobs. And it is just to damn hard to tell which party can lead us to a state of blind apathy again.” Mr. Wilke says that he himself is about to lose his job as a bus driver, due to increases in the price of petrol. He didn’t vote.
Some Londoners, or Englanders, have reacted rather harshly to the news. Duke of Saxon John Conner, House of Lords, commented by stating, ”while most of us have no respect for Germany whatsoever, we note rather ironically that Germany is not a leader in reform, or anything for that matter, and now they have no leader at all.” The house immediately erupted in applause, followed by a brawl between the Earl of Wellington and the Earl of Dike. The House of Lords made no further decision and promptly convened for tea. Others have simply said that they could care less about Germany, now that communism is no longer a threat to the free world.
Most can clearly see, from the data presented in the CIA Fact book, that Germany is one of the most populous and economically powerful nations in Europe, and this fact alone makes just about everyone nervous, considering Germany’s past. Without a leader, the situation could get worse, and political turmoil could ensue for hours, perhaps days even, and no one will know what to do.
In order to obtain a mandate in Germany, several parties can form a coalition of the willing in order to gather all the votes necessary to gain control.
At this point, talks between the major political parties are taking place, and perhaps within the month a leader will emerge in Germany, and the people can go back to their apathetic lives.
Disclaimer: No facts exist in this article, whatsoever. Quotes are not real.
Sep 19, 2005 • Politics
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By Larry
On Saturday September 17th, about 1:30, the illustrious, the industrious, Mr. Dallas Billy Jo Bob Watson-Weatherfield Esq., was spotted in a White pick-‘em-up truck, drumming furiously along to some slack-jawed heavy metal rawk recording (probably), while tearing ass through the City Hall parking lot. Using the parking lot as a shortcut, D-dubs entered from the entrance on the CR 687 side and exited heading West, on North Maple Street. Apparently, he was trying to avoid the traffic light. The sonofabitch couldn’t even stop to donate some money (and get that beautiful ivory steed of his washed) to the Hurricane Katrina Relief Car Wash Fund thing. And don’t pretend like you didn’t see us there Mr. Watson. Not with the nubile, young bodies of… well I’m not gonna name names, parading around, scantily-clad, holding up roadside signs advertising the car wash. Also Ray Bloomer made an appearance, which I happen to think is quite notable.
Sep 19, 2005 • Nostalgia
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By Jared
Three things really made me think about the reformation of college football. They are listed in the order of importance and theoretically sum up how I feel the rest of the season will go. By the way, college football is exclusively better than pro football and I will argue with anyone who believes otherwise. I’m not threatening you as the reader of this post, it’s just…true.
Anyway, first and foremost: USC has teams scared to play them. I watched the Razorbacks play like they were in pop-warner over the weekend against the mighty Trojans, giving up 70 points to the two-time champions. I think they have this chip on their shoulder that has grown so large and out of control that they may never lose again. It was like the Arkansas players were afraid to hit or try to tackle the Trojans. When Leinart ran in that scramble from like 15 yards out, two DB’s had the chance to get him and they kind of seemed awestruck. Just because he’s the luckiest guy in the universe by being a 5th year, Heisman winner, and two time starting QB of the National Champions, doesn’t mean you can’t lay his ass out.
Second: I know it’s early and this will probably come back to bite me in the ass but Texas is looking more and more like the powerhouse in the Big 12, poised to challenge USC for the title and Oklahoma is taking the role of Baylor. OK is the only team in the Big 12 with a losing record. Freshman Phenom, Adrian Peterson had just 58 yards on 23 carries against unranked UCLA this weekend. Let’s hope he doesn’t turn out to be another Clarett.
And my last realization: Throw out everything when it comes to the threesome of Notre Dame, Michigan, and Michigan State. These teams, when playing one another, never hold any consistencies whatsoever. Notre Dame beats Michigan, well they had more points on the board in the end, can’t really say they beat them; Michigan State beats Notre Dame; but on the first day of October, I would almost guarantee Michigan will beat MSU in East Lansing. I really thought ND was going to come back and win that game, especially after that MSU receiver fumbled. And if they had, I would have tossed Brady Quinn’s name in the Heisman conversation. But with the loss, I think it could be a spiral effect for the Irish and if they don’t recover next week against ol’ Ty Willingham’s Huskies, look out.
Sep 19, 2005 • Sports
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By Jared
See this flick.
It has the ominous tone of Blow but with perhaps an even more depressing ending. Rich with political summation and current bureaucratic bull shit, Lord Of War, masterfully captures the world of gun-running. Nic Cage plays Yuri Orlov, an early 80’s to beginning of the 21st Century arms dealer who spends his weeks in Africa and Europe selling guns to dictators and democracies. Orlov befriends the president of Liberia, one of the most ruthless leaders the country has seen.
Think of George Jung but with AK-47’s instead of cocaine. With his dead on devasting portrayal of third world countries, writer/director Andrew Niccol (Truman Show, Terminal) achieves his political agenda with a stated statistic to close out the film.
Orlov lives the American dream while narrating to us the whole way through. Although the narration helps us relate to the subject matter a little more, it does substitute creativity. However, there’s no other way to get it done. He starts small, like every other immigrant from Ukraine pretending to be Jewish. Then he builds an empire and lives up to the lies of his wealth, which he used to score supermodel dream girl, Ava Fontaine, played borishly by Bridget Moynahan.
Jared Leto plays Vitaly Orlov, Yuri’s younger brother, the ‘resident family fuck up’ with a dangerous conscience, as well as a mind blowing addiction to drugs. He adds a comic relief to an other wise dark, reality disturbing movie.
Overall, Lord Of War, with just enough wit and pleanty of heartfelt energy, sheds light on a very important current issue. The fact that there are really things like this taking place, mass murders, genocide, and trading guns for diamonds, is rather troubling. It’s up there with some of the best politically thought provoking films ever. Definitely worth the $8.50, I’m telling you.
Sep 18, 2005 • Movies and Television
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By Jared
Think you guys are smart, take this quiz online and share your score. You’re supposed to finish it in a half hour but you don’t have to. I had 25 correct and it said that I had a strong chance of passing the mensa test. I think Josh Fairbanks could probably guess and get a higher score though. Don’t take it too seriously, if you screw it up that is. It’s just a test.
Take the test!
Sep 16, 2005 • Nostalgia
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By Jared
In what can only be described as a mediocre week for Asians, a labor rights suit filed against Wal-Mart could cost the company billions. Wal-Mart, the single largest piggy bank robbing corporation the world will ever see, has been accused of treating their foreign workers with indecency. With over $287 billion in annual sales, the corporate Goliath took a stone right to the temple from the workers of five different countries including China and Bangladesh. The suit claims that the production factories overseas, which keep the price of goods down for the bargain buyers in America, are violating the rights of their workers.
Listed in the case are 16 Jane and John Does. With claims by two of the John’s being that, “We were forced to work three months with no pay, forced to work unpaid overtime, and not given any holiday time off.” Sounds like an indentured servant to me. As funny as that term sounds, post Civil-War Era, it isn’t too far off.
Contemplate this analogy. Wal-Mart (land owners) has accumulated over 5,000 factories overseas in countries like Swaziland, Nicaragua, and Indonesia (think individual states instead of countries) and they give these people (poor folk) opportunities to meet quotas and earn equity (keeping their own plots of land to farm) in the company. If they don’t meet quotas, they aren’t paid and as the suit claims, sometimes wages are withheld for months along with vacation time and overtime pay. If a worker were to quit, the wages would be given to those who stay on the job. Just like an indentured servant if you ask me.
One of the Jane’s had it the worst. She claimed to have been locked inside the factory overnight with no way to exit, not even for a hit of tobacco, until she reached her quota for the evening. This Jane said, “I was forced to work from 7 AM until 10 PM everyday for two weeks straight. When I didn’t reach my quota I would be locked inside over night.”
Some workers were hit with switches if they took long breaks. Another was slapped in the face repeatedly until her nose bled. Now I know the picture that’s coming to your head is Master Reynolds slapping Kizzie around, but that’s not the case. The bosses overseas have the same ethnic background as the workers. Power just unfortunately corrupts.
On a much more disturbing note, Hong Kong celebrated the grand opening of Disney Land this past week. I would’ve thought that old Walt would’ve been over there along time ago judging by the faces of the wooden figures in It’s A Small World After All. The ride believed by many to be an apocalyptic prediction of the growing Asian population eventually taking over the entire world leaving nothing but Asians on the planet. Thus causing it to be a small world since every human would look alike. And if you’ve ever been on that ride, you know what I’m talking about; all the wooden figures have slanted eyes.
Just days after the opening, however, a lawsuit was filed against Walt Disney for the mistreatment of the Chinese employees. The suit claimed the American workers were, “Hoarding all the good jobs such as Spider-Man and Captain America, along with other minor jobs like ride operator and vendor. This forced the natives to clean shit up after the filthy Americans and take undesired jobs such as sketch artists, group photo takers, and jugglers.”
Also included in the suit was the mistreatment of some of the visitors to the park. One man claimed to be walking peacefully with his wife, four children, and 31 cousins when he was tackled and bitch-slapped by Goofy. Mickey Mouse, costumed by Tom Yung-Wang, fought off Goofy by beating him incessantly with a large iron bar.
Nevertheless, park officials kept the gates open to the public amidst all the chaos. It wasn’t until Senior Official George Yung, found a disturbing display while doing his routine walk through. It seems as though a particular ride had been truly terrorized by an unidentified Pied Piper. The wooden people of It’s A Small World After All had been replaced with live Asian children. This directly breached the contract signed by Disney and the Hong Kong government as it was understood only Asian midgets were to be used on the ride.
Sep 15, 2005 • OP-ED
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